Kids Say the...Weirdest Things

Here is a little snippet of some dialogue between a mother and her children inspired by actual events and my fiction writing class which is using the book The 3 A.M. Epiphany: Uncommon Writing Exercises that Transform Your Fiction by Brian Kiteley

I chose Early Language for my exercise. I altered the exercise a bit though, the exercise stated to use dialogue in a story between two and three-year olds in order to compare language development. I created a small script between a six and three-year old not only because I have that demographic in my house, but because of the drastic difference in communication ability. My six-year old can communicate rather complex ideas yet still maintains the childish nature. Sometimes I think that she is a genius trapped in a child’s body because what I remember is represented by her three-year old sister. I remember finger foods and stumbling, small shoes and a dirty face. The older sibling is all new, all the time and I still see her as a little girl. She still is but her willingness to engage in intricate conversation would suggest otherwise. Although I didn’t follow the rules to a t, I think that I captured the dynamic of language ability amongst the younger crowd.

 

A mother is driving her two daughters on a routine trip home. The inside of the car is small and with the two car seats in the back, the distance between mother and her children is close. She can’t help but overhear and interject in the conversation between the two, although at times she wish she could stick her head out the window and listen to the wind instead of the constant banter between three and six year old girls.

“I wonder, do they have Disney Newborn?” Kristen asks, adjusting the seat belt.
“Newborns don't exactly watch TV,” Mother responds, turning into a curve.
“Of course newborns watch TV,” Kristen states, looking out the window.
“Why would a newborn watch TV Kristen?” Mom asks.

“Mommy, can I get a Disney Newborn for my birthday when I turn four?” Molly asks, attempting to make four with her small hands.

“Wait. I’m the one who asked about it, I’m the one who is about to turn seven, my birthday comes first,” Kristen yells.

“Nobody is getting Disney Newborns because they do not exist!” Mother tries to stay calm.
“Talking unicorns can watch TV! But only talking ones, other unicorns do not watch TV,” Molly interjects.
“Mommy, what does goûter mean in France?” asks Kristen.

“Yeah mommy, what does goooter mean in froggy language, you and Daddy talk funny sometimes, ha ha!” Molly says, kicking the driver seat.

“It’s not a frog language, it’s from France. Besides, I think it’s a cheese,” Kristen explains.

“Daddy says Froggy languwage! And it’s my cheese!”

“Enough! Molly, please stop kicking my seat,” Mother pleads.

“I have an imagunary twin, her name is FuFu.” Molly says, pointing to the middle seat.

“Seriously?... I thought crepes come from France too but I saw them at Publix for one dollar and ninety nine cents.” Kristen says.

“I’m hungry mommy,” adds Molly.

“We’re almost home, just a little bit further.”

“Mommy, my teacher said that hula hoops come from France, but I know that she is not telling the truth because mine at home says ‘made in China’ right on the label and I’m pretty sure China is a long way from France.” Kristen declares.

“China? I want you to make me a cheese quesadilla. Mommy, can I have a cheese quesadilla when we get home?” Molly is getting hungry, munching on her fingers and slurping her sippy cup.  

All are relieved, especially mother as they turn into the drive. Now she can stop answering lofty questions and return to the usual simple commands of “shoes off, wash your hands.”

 

 

New Business and Damaged Goods

I know that my 2 endearing fans have been chomping at the bit to read my next post and I do apologize for making you wait a whole week. I HAVE NOT been sitting around buffing my fingernails or watching MADMEN or anything like that. On the contrary, my week has been very productive. Here is the long awaited list you've been craving:


1. Looking at real estate like a stalker. I am trying to find the best opportunity to get my feet wet and haven't really found the sure thing quite yet. One deal was a trailer in kennesaw that I found on Craigslist







Yeah...a real gem there...not really for me but right around the corner in an ambiguous former trailer park so I figured what the hell. What an awsome writing cabin this would make...

 I learned far too much about the scene and eventually found another deal that included 3 trailers on a 1/2 acre lot bringing in 2200/month in rent for $160,000 owner financing with 20% down. Interesting proposition that I WILL NOT be doing, wish I could but it is good to exercise and see what owning a mini trailer park entails.

The next great deal I found that I actually looked at too was on Barker Rd in Rome, GA (Link to listing)
http://www.zillow.com is such a great site for comparison shopping. You can see what everything around is going for in the area, historical listings, taxes and such. I launched my findings of this field trip on youtube which is sure to go viral:

Outside the house tour
Inside the "house" tour

I looked at a few other places of interest ranging all the way from mansion to the above. Not sure I am ready to commit but I am learning alot.

2. Formed LLC on Friday, received paperwork ON FRIDAY from the State of GA. Good stuff, Rusty Wheels Media, LLC is the official name recognized by the state of GA as a media consultant/marketing firm which employs exactly 1, me...and has a budget of $200 which was spent on the LLC filing itself, ha. Seriously, I have many uses for this, but since I am already in a list...damn.

First is an umbrella firm for myself which includes publishing, marketing and producing records when me and Precious find space for our studio. Second is for use in getting paid from my creative coop gets going. It is much easier for a LLC to pay a LLC, go figure...1099 and health care, workers comp can all get tricky.

3. Watched neighbor watching tree guys cut down tree in his yard. Nice old oak but it was leaning bad over the other neighbor's house which could have resulted in injury, death, and pissed neighbors so it had to go...but I got a gift, MULCH which I put to good use in our beds that need more establishment. 1/4 of the way through, like everything else.

4. Reconnected big time with the taxi company MidnightBlue Taxi which I part own and sold for a short period of time. I will go back to my usual role of selling cars, marketing, driving when I need money and leasing cars to people who want to drive more than I do. This is good because it puts food on the table, I can flip cars to and from it, and I may need money to buy more #1 mega deals.

5. Met with co-op, more later when things are concrete.

6. Promoted someone

7. Opened yet another google account.

8. Almost finished one book, one more week to go.
.

9. Started my Fiction Workshop class at National University.

10. Contemplating my life too much as always.

This is just to name a few of the things I have "accomplished" with my first full week of unemployment. Don't like calling it that but a scar can be called a "learning experience:, so we'll go with self-employment.

The Ogre and I will be charging up Kennesaw Mountain tomorrow if anyone can bring a steamroller, that would be cool. He also convinced me that before I flip houses and become the ultimate landlord, I should probably continue with cars, I am good at it. Well, sometimes you have to dream big.

While I was writing this, I found this little nugget full of junk that I would totally buy if I were only in Chicago....Later Everybody

American Dream Dead? Hell No, Opportunists Unite

Can you still make something out of nothing?

After having a good conversation with my dad, I have come to the conclusion that the American dream as he knew it is well...different. It's probably a tad retro actually, although not the 70's or super cool 80's kind. More likely, it's sharing similarities to the age before we had industrial giants who could be bought out and lay off hundreds of workers at a time...era. Sorry technocrats, HARD WORK and plain know-how doesn't just go away in 2013 though...unless you are on the dole.

I say this because I asked my father what he would do in my shoes, staring down the barrel at numerous opportunities. I am trying to decide which should carry the most weight. He got it right when he said that he was the wrong person to ask. When he was growing up in a family of 6, the blue mantra was that if you got a good job at a factory or somewhere within that realm, had a family, a house a car, etc. everything would be cool. Now, the average worker changes they don't even know how many jobs. Check out this Wall Street Journal Article...they are just as confused because nobody really tracks it, but the consensus seems to be about 7 careers which is neither here nor there. The point is, long were the days of staying behind the wheel of one job and retiring in that job. I got wind of that the first time, about 20 years ago when my dad, step dad and step mom all got laid off from Rubbermaid and Monarch Machine in Cortland, NY. Times were changing then and they are continuing to shift. That's all well and good for an opportunist like me, would be event better if I had the heart to be a grifter. Oh well, instead of being a sophisticated con-artist, I've decided to go legit. Below are my current opportunities in which I will attempt to once again make something out of nothing. Go ahead a VOTE in the comments section for your favorite.

1. May start a farm enterprise with an Army and college buddy. We are meeting tomorrow to discuss and I really have high hopes. I need to find a land companies for agricultural in Bartow, Paulding or Cherokee county. I really like landwatch but I don't find as much ag in those areas and some stuff has been sold months ago. The truth is, if I had 10,000 dollars, a couple months to get started and at least 20 acres, I would already be farming. This is the perfect realm for the dabbler as everyday is different and you can change it up from time to time. I certainly wouldn't expect to be an industrial farmer but those hippies at the Chattanooga farmer's market are making a killing selling certified organic to yuppies. Some people can make a decent living at it but I would be in it for the quality of life. It's not really a matter of if I will have a farm one day, just when.  

2. I looked at a couple of commercial properties on Friday, checking out the possibility of being a landlord and having a place to conduct my various businesses, or more appropriate, dabblings. The only decent prospect so far was a mansion type in Canton, GA zoned office and professional (OP) with 7 lawyer/accountant type offices, 3 are rented bringing in 1000 already. It has been redone but it is a tough sell because...well it's downtown Canton, GA and really a 20 year play. At 160K and completely renovated, it's a steal. But Marc, how could you afford it??? OWNER FINANCING. Best way to go, how I bought the hoarder's house and how I will buy all property if I have to finance. Me, my lawyer and the seller is the only way to go...banks suck and make you justify your existence now...for good reason, they really screwed up a few years back. Needless to say, I will keep looking.

3. Precious and I have been talking about going into the studio recording business for years. He has the knowledge and the equipment, I have the business savvy and the ability to make the phones ring with my glamorous personality. Just a question of where??? Need space which ties in a little with #2 and maybe #1. We figured the other night we could actually build a control room in a trailer, check out this possibly overpriced design from Markertek. Could be done cheaper starting out with one of these from trailershowroom . Then we could come to you and record your tabernacle choir on site! Almost bought a house boat, whew! Good thing I lost that eBay auction. That would be cool and easy to market but dismal during the winter months.

4. Marketing Co-op that I will be project manager/copywriter of. We meet for the first time next week and I have a high hopes. A Co-op defined here if you don't know. This could end up funding everything if it works out.

5. The always trusty taxi-cab leasing business. Will probably use this to fund #3 until #3 funds itself but it is always a good back up. Send your unwanted cars to me.

6. Finishing my MFA in Writing at National University. Fiction Workshop starts tomorrow, I am so happy. I get to get all turbines running again and get some feedback on my work. One more step closer to being an English adjunct prof. so watch out univ of Phoenix English 1101. This is interchangeable with all endeavors previously listed as it makes me a better writer and I can teach English part time from the beach. I am a writer, for now I will compile it with this though, need to finish at least 1 of 4 books I am working on.

7. April 20 ish I'll get my first finished motorcycle from the Ogre to sell, dawning the new era of J&M Powersports.

I probably forgot some current endeavors but as you can see, I have a whole lot to ponder. I did lay in my garden for the season, so at least my food will be subsidised by..me.

My father would have never thought it possible to use 40+ a week this way. The truth doesn't change though, NONE of these endeavors will succeed without a good woman, some good old fashioned HARD WORK and some know-how. Opportunists unite.

Find Your Game, Play to the Best of Your Ability, Cheat when You Can

There is an old saying with the green men that goes: "if you ain't cheatin', you ain't tryin'..." And I believe this to be very true.

At some point in my existence, I was asked, "Are you left handed?" My shivering response was an automatic "Yes!"...followed by "Good, because if you weren't, I would have failed you." For the rest of that day, I proceeded to do everything left handed, including signing my name. That's all well and good since I was in a knot tying class with demolition and the consensus was that my life depended on it somehow.

I reassure you that I am in fact typing this right handed and I just happen to bat the same way...

If you are intending on branching out in your life and you want to succeed, it is important to:

1. Figure out the game you want to play to give your life the change-up it deserves (examples: investor, farmer, marketeer, professional bowler, jockey, taxi driver, taxi company owner, circus clown, writer, used car salesman, whatever your heart desires)

2. Find out everything there is to know about the chosen game and really sink your teeth in. This is an important factor not only for doing your very best as an individual, but also for step 4. After all, we are living in the information age here, anything you want to know but were afraid to ask your buddy is on the web...Below are some how to examples:

Intro to Beekeeping
Learn to Scuba
Metal Roofing (I actually used this one for my own house)
Counting Cards (don't condone because they are watching but scam school is cool)     
Drill Your own WATER WELL!!!
Raising Sheep & Goats for Profit

See? You don't even need to read anymore. If you do, even better!

3. Do the best you can with the talents that God gave you. If you have none, start over with step two or proceed *With Caution* directly to step 4.

4. Cheat as much as you can without legal or bodily harm. This means finding an edge somehow and exploiting it to the best of your ability. Clint Eastwood in The Outlaw Josey Wales displayed this edge finding the best. This DOES NOT mean that you steal money (outright) or sell cars with bad transmissions that you knew about, more than once or twice anyway. It can mean doing your taxes in an accurate fashion to get the most money back. You wouldn't want to be a loafer or leave money with your name on it just hanging out there. This absolutely DOES NOT mean that you pencil in the wrong score on your mini golf card just to win a bet. (Those establishments have a no eraser policy for a reason.) It could mean that you buy land and rent the trailer on it to make your own payments, or find used tools to start your contracting business from others that are going under instead of buying anew.

Clearly, there is a distinction between cheating with malice and finding an edge where and when you can, like a gentleman or a lady.     



The following are some games/professions where cheating of any kind is highly discouraged:

1. Firefighter
2. Craps shooter (May lose a limb)
3. Tax professional
4. Pro Fisherman
5. Guy/Gal that trains Killer Whales (May lose another limb)
6. Archery (either you hit it or you didn't)
7. Pro Skydiver that teaches other people
8. Hot Air balloon pilot
9. Government contractor...wait...this belongs on another list
10. Heat Seeking Missile 

Remember...if you are ever asked if you are left handed...or you if you are the "Gatekeeper" you just say YES and move on like you know exactly what you are doing.